- Personal growth: making a change
Getting people to start thinking about the improvements they might make in their lives is the sort of thing that Counselling Psychologists do much of their working time. Changing oneself is a pretty appealing idea for many people judging by the continued popularity of self-help books and tv personalities such as Dr Phil. I suppose the reason for this is that although we fall into patterns of thinking or behaving that limit our lives, we want to change but don't quite know how to do it.
In my own counseling work I deal with all sorts of problems, and I suppose I tend to become complacent about the possibilities for self change, so much so that I am always a little taken aback when people express surprise that there is something that they can do themselves for their problems.
There are four or five areas of life which stand out in my mind as matters where individuals or couples can readily make their lives better. These are the areas of tension and stress, sexual behavior and relationships, pain management, "healthy lifestyles", and the management of emotions.
We live in an age of increasing awareness of the effects of stressful experiences. Prescription drugs can help but are not usually long term solutions. These days many workplaces are more aware of the stress creating potential of things that are done to employees and set up programs (e.g. employee assistance programs) to help their employees cope. This may lead to effective long term management of stress. Sometimes this requires some self-discipline or extra guidance to overcome the bad habits have built up over the years, but life stress can be brought under control quite readily.
Change is just as forthcoming with sexual problems. The most common problems for males are failure to achieve an erection, and premature ejaculation, and for females, lack of orgasm, and inhibition of sexual responsiveness. In most cases, by following quite simple and straightforward rules for relearning, these problems can be readily overcome.
Chronic pain is another matter that is amenable to change when you take the trouble to get good advice about how to manage the pain. Here I am not talking primarily about the use of drugs, but the use of psychological strategies to help you to manage better. For instance, about 20% of the general population can learn to use self-hypnosis to virtually eliminate pain, and many of those with this talent don’t know they have it. Most of the rest can learn to reduce the intensity of pain through applying techniques of deep relaxation, stress management and through bolstering their social and emotional supports.
Developing a new "healthy lifestyle" applies to people who want to give up smoking, to lose a lot of weight, to begin regular exercise, and so on. In each case it helps to be well informed before embarking on any kind of program. For instance, it is helpful for the person quitting smoking to know when the days of greatest physical distress will occur, and it is essential for the person wanting to lose weight to know the principles of proper diet, and good exercise. While such information is a good start, there are a variety of other factors to do with behaviour change that experienced counsellors can help with that come into play. Most importantly of all, establishing a “therapeutic relationship” with a trusted counsellor often provides the moral support necessary to sustain change.
A more psychologically oriented problem, one that is rather more subtle and therefore more complex, concerns the inappropriate expression of emotions. Some people are too expressive, and some are too inhibited. Both of these patterns of behavior are probably bad for your physical health, and they probably limit your enjoyment of life. Although it is usually easy to recognize excessive anger in ourselves or in others, in many cases people are not aware that they are too inhibited with their emotional expression until someone else points it out to them. Although change is not easy, given the lifetime of practicing the problem behavior patterns, it is possible. Like everything else we do, practice makes perfect.
You can get advice on these matters from all sorts of places. Listings of Psychologists can be found in the phone book, for example. Some of these will indicate expertise in the area that interests you. You can ask other professionals (including other Psychologists) about their reputation in this field before you decide who to consult.
Or you can buy any number of self-help books that may show you step by step what you need to do to change. This is true for all of the areas I mentioned; stress management, sexual development, pain management, healthy behavior and balanced emotional expression. With the added availability of information on the internet there is no shortage of information around that you can use. Admittedly it can be hard to sort out information that is reliable from some of the junk. Again, ask around and especially ask people who work in the areas you want to find out about. Good luck.
More readings will be added to my blog from time to time. Have a quick look now to see the first posting on my blog PSYC1PLUS