- Anxiety Causes Many Sexual Problems
Sex is always risky. It is risky because it is so very personal. Every sexual occasion involves a re-negotiation of the relationship, but this is much more the case in new relationships. Where there is risk there is anxiety, and it is this anxiety that is behind many of the common sexual problems of both men and women.
Anxiety involves a physical arousal process, governed by the sympathetic nervous system, that makes the early stages in the sexual arousal process less likely to occur. When the sympathetic nervous system is dominant the parasympathetic nervous system cannot exert its influence so strongly. This is a problem with regard to sex because the parasympathetic nervous system is crucial in the process of vasocongestion in men and women. When the anxiety eases, erection in men, and lubrication in women, can more easily occur.
For men, the most common sexual problems, premature ejaculation, and inability to get an erection are closely linked. Anxiety is the common underlying variable. Both often occur spontaneously for most men at some stage in their lives, through tiredness, severe stress, or through the effects of drugs like alcohol. However, they are then often sustained by fears that prevent the normal response from returning. Once a failure has been experienced, naturally enough, a man is likely to be afraid that the same thing will happen again. This fear of failure itself can cause a continuation of the problem. It’s a vicious circle.
Impotence, the failure to achieve an erection, is probably the sexual problem most feared by men. Women can engage in intercourse without achieving the female equivalent of erection, vaginal lubrication, but men must have an erection. It is little consolation to suggest that they may be able to physically satisfy their women in other ways. Many men and women treasure the special closeness that intercourse brings, and at the very least feel disappointed when it is not possible.
The more a man cares about his lover, the more anxiety he is likely to feel if there has been a failure of erection in the past, and this in turn makes future failures more likely. The partner of a man troubled with impotence is in a crucial position to affect the problem. If she is understanding, and able to hold back from even the slightest criticism or demand, then she may be able to guide her man back to the desired response.
Normal response can be returned if anxiety is eliminated and hypnosis is one of the most efficient ways of doing this. Furthermore it allows the possibility of some intensive imaginative rehearsal with suggestions of calmness and confidence.
Because of the relatively greater inhibition of women's sexual responsiveness in our society, even today, sexual difficulties in women are often more complex than those in men. For instance, women sometimes experience a relative disinterest in sexual interactions because of very diffuse learning processes that have taught them their bodies are worthless. This lack of self regard is just as powerful as shame in suppressing sexual response, and since there is no obvious guilt to explain the lack of sexual interest, people don’t see the connection with their lack of sexual response.
Feelings of inadequacy often lead to anxieties in social, and especially sexual situations. Yet they are much harder to identify, and more difficult to eliminate than guilt because they are intimately connected with every aspect of the personality.
I’ve found that women who embark on a course of guided change in their attitudes to their own bodies(through hypnosis), often discover a level of sexual feeling that they did not know existed and at the same time begin to assert themselves in other relationships. The new self confidence spills over into many other areas.
Of course, not all lack of orgasm in women is attributable to low self-esteem. Sometimes it is due quite simply to a lack of experience of the body's sensory possibilities. Historically many fewer women than men explore their bodies sexually in later childhood and adolescence, probably because this behaviour is still discouraged more in girls than in boys.
As a result, almost all boys know how genital stimulation feels and how their bodies respond to such stimulation before they get into relationships, but many girls do not. Accordingly girls have a lot more to be anxious about in their first social sexual encounter. Their anxiety levels will be higher. This makes it a lot harder for them to learn a sexual response. Failures simply make things worse.
One of the difficulties in offering guidance to both men and women who experience relative lack of sexual interest, is the fact that everyone has a different physiological need for sex. Some men and women have greater needs than others. Having a low sex drive (or a high sex drive) is no problem if your partner has the same level of interest.
If one's natural drive has always been inhibited by life experiences, as in the case I mentioned above, or if it unexpectedly wanes, it would be a pity not to do something about it. The success rates for many sexual problems are very high. Failure to orgasm is changed most readily of all and impotence can be overcome too with the partner's help. Of course this does not guarantee success in relationships.
More readings will be added to my blog from time to time. Have a quick look now to see the first posting on my blog PSYC1PLUS