- Non-violent Behaviour Control With School Age Children
I have argued before that physical violence, or threats of such violence are inefficient ways of managing bad behavior, in children and in adults. Punishing children or adults for doing the wrong thing might give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction. After all, revenge is sweet. In this sense it does us some good. However, it will probably only make the bad behavior worse, so if we want to change the behavior we had better do something else.
Although public schools often avoid physical punishment these days there are plenty of people who think that when children's behavior at school is naughty enough we can make things better if we would just hit them often enough. But while this might make children more careful about where they are bad, they will almost certainly learn to detest school and education in general, and they may very well become aggressive. It is unlikely that things will be better.
I’ve said this sort of thing to community groups from time to time when asked by the anti-punishment groups to talk to the local community. On every occasion I have been impressed by the aggression, anger, and barely restrained violence of those who want to restore the use of the cane. What they say is "it didn't do me any harm." What they show is that the only way they know how to control behaviour is by threats and violence.
In the area of child development this question about the best way to deal with children has been examined very systematically in the home context and in schools. The good news is that there is another way. And many people will find the reasoning attractive.
An American researcher called Mary Ainsworth has been particularly influential. In one study she and a group of colleagues examined the influence of parental behaviours on the obedience of very little children to the very first commands that they can understand; expressions like "stop", and "don’t touch" which can be pretty important for the survival of a curious infant.
Ainsworth and her colleagues found that the frequent use of commands and the use of physical punishment bore no relationship to early obedience. They did not help at all. What counted was the mother's affection, acceptance and co-operation with the child. Mothers who tried to fit in with their children's needs and rhythms, who were accepting of their child and his/her behaviours and who showed a lot of physical affection had children who were obedient, who cried less, and were generally easier to get along with.
Other research with older children suggests exactly the same picture, and this is true even in the school context. Very large studies throughout the world have shown that schools that use a lot of "discipline" and make a big thing about teaching virtuous behaviour through this discipline, do indeed have children who learn the rules well. They also break these rules (lying cheating stealing) just as much as children from any other school, though they get away with it better. This is not exactly what most parents want.
Ainsworth’s research led her to believe that a willingness to obey is the thing that keeps societies together. Without it, she suggests, there would be chaos. Conversely, if we use a lot of physical punishment we are likely to destroy these feelings of willingness to obey. The explanation she offers makes a lot of sense.
She points out that for most of the things that people do in a co-operative society they are not under supervision. They are on their own. To produce people who will keep to the rules when they are on their own, they have to develop a willingness to obey the rules of society. She says it makes sense that, rather than being born as untamed savages, children are probably born with a predisposition to learn this willingness to get along with others. If this is true we do not have to stamp out savagery, we have to encourage cooperativeness.
These suggestions certainly seem to fit with the evidence. Parental affection, acceptance and co-operation with the child produced co-operative children. On the other hand, studies of the use of punishment show multiple negative effects, including increased aggression, as detailed in the previous article in this series.
So it seems that if we really want to get rid of violence in our society, to develop a peaceful world, we will have to rethink our attitudes towards violence in the home. Ainsworth argues, that by changing the focus away from punishment we do not give up control, we get better at it, in non-violent ways.
More readings will be added to my blog from time to time. Have a quick look now to see the first posting on my blog PSYC1PLUS