- Giving Advice about Sex
Academics tend to be pretty good fence sitters. The trouble is fences can be really uncomfortable places to sit. This is clearly the case when it comes to ideas about sexual behaviour. I give lectures to students about sex, and when people consult me about sexual problems I give them information and counselling to help them solve the problem. But I tend not to lay down absolute rules about what people should or should not do.
I am always suspicious of professionals who try to impose their own sexual standards on others. It is easy to believe that they are just using their status to push their own moral position whether this is conservative or permissive. Maybe that is how my comments here will be judged. The fact is that the study of behavior does not often reveal insights into useful immutable rules about behavior.
Sometimes, however, there are ideas that we can learn from in the sexual area; for instance when it comes to dealing with young people. Some of this is about younger children and some of it is about talking to adolescents about sexual experimentation.
There are a few things that I think are important in all development. One of these is allowing people to develop in such a way that they reach their full potential as human beings. I start from the position that good sexual functioning, both physiological and psychological, is of crucial importance for the development and maintenance of stable heterosexual relationships. I believe that good sex helps to make good marriages. Anything that impedes "normal" sexual development is a threat to later relationships.
People who work in the area of sexual counselling will be well aware that repressive, punitive, anti-sex attitudes in the home are often associated with sexual maladjustment. As it happens such attitudes are often found in the homes of the devoutly religious. Such attitudes often lead to behavior inhibitions, feelings of self-contempt, a failure of private sexual development experiences, and later difficulties in functioning sexually. These problems often emerge to threaten marital relationships.
Another issue concerns the availability of information about sex. Some people take the view that information about sexual matters should be kept from children because they fear that such information will lead young people into sexual experimentation. Research here in Australia and in other parts of the world shows the opposite to be true. Children who are given more information about sex by their parents or in school delay their social sexual experimentation considerably longer than those who have been kept in the dark.
Of course those who have not received sex education at home or at school still get plenty of sex education from their mates. The trouble is that much of it is not accurate, and this can lead them into trouble. Another problem is that people who are genuinely ignorant are not in a very good position to make sensible informed decisions about their own futures.
A lack of information leaves people open to manipulation. In our community this can be seen in the first sexual experiences of many young women. In the recent past, rather than make their own choice that they were ready for sex, as was the case with males, most young women were talked into their first sexual encounter.
That can lead on to the next problem. Research shows also that the first sexual encounter has a powerful effect on later sexual adjustment. People who have a pleasurable first time tend to be well adjusted later on. People who have an unpleasant first experience tend to be less well adjusted later. In my opinion first experiences are much more likely to be warm, loving and pleasant if they happen in the context of a loving and committed relationship. And of course a really good sexual relationship takes time to develop. I am sceptical about the possibility of the earth moving on a one night stand.
If you think that this claim shows my conservative bias, think about this next idea. Sex is dangerous. Not just because of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, or because of the risk of pregnancy. It is dangerous partly because it is so self revealing, and partly because of it's power to create attachments. People are at their most vulnerable emotionally during a sexual interaction. They can easily be hurt; and they can easily fall in love. Maybe if you are emotionally mature this is alright. If you are sixteen it can be a disaster.
So I am in favour of sex education and information and positive attitudes about sex in relationships, because I think these can contribute to better balanced sexual development. Part of the information has to be about the various dangers of sex, the physical as well as the emotional ones. One of the consequences might be the development of young adults with higher self esteem and the capacity to make informed decisions. Another might be more stable relationships.
More readings will be added to my blog from time to time. Have a quick look now to see the first posting on my blog PSYC1PLUS